bingeing and crying is all I do,

it’s awesome

11 Jun • ∞

I always come back to tumblr at my lowest points.

Only next time I’ll be 6 feet under.

31 May • 1 note • ∞

My hair is falling out.

I’m dying.

I’m going bald.

I’m dying.

SAVE ME.

31 May • ∞

dead

but it’s not like anyone cares.

23 May • 1 note • ∞

What’s it called when you are mentally anorexic, become a daily binger but can’t purge?

2 Apr • 2 notes • ∞

I went to therapy today..

For the first time in my life.

I saw an eating disorder psychologist…

I can’t believe this is happening..

29 Mar • 1 note • ∞
Oh and I'm gaining weight like crazy.

It’s my birthday.

23 Mar • 2 notes • ∞

Tomorrow

My birthday is tomorrow.

17.

All I want is to to be happy & healthy.

22 Mar • 1 note • ∞

2 days.

I’ll be 17.

I can’t be miserable forever… Can I?

21 Mar • 1 note • ∞

I turn 17 in 5 days.

I’m fat. and I eat fat.

I’ve been eating 800 < 28375098274359872509 calories EVERYDAY lately…

I wish I could say I’ve made emotional and mental improvement but I’ve only declined.

I think about suicide more then ever.

I am the most irritable, misserable Ellie I’ve ever been.

I cry every time I eat but I can’t stop.

Half of my hair has gone down the drain. I can hardly move half of the time. I ache 24 hours a day.

I’m shivering in 80 degree weather wearing long sleeves and a coat.

But I’m eating. I can’t control that anymore.

I eat so much. It’s so nasty. I’m so addicted to sugar. 

Sporting a lovely beer belly. Back to thunder thighs. It’s all coming back in fat. No muscle. Not even skeletal muscle. I can’t believe this happened to ME. ME.
I’ve blacked out. A few times. 

I’ve now lost my period for a full year.

///I’ve only told this to a very few///

More fabulous things:

  • My nails are so brittle and break like crazy.
  • My “muscles” (hah hah) are always always sore.
  • I get winded when I walk up a fleet of stairs.
  • My skin is so dry and discolored.
  • My weight mostly consists of fat.
  • MY TEETH, MY OLD PEARLY WHITES have thinned.
  • Posture= Hunchback 
  • Gum addiction= Severe
  • I have mental breakdowns at least 2 times a day.
  • I belong in a psych ward.
  • fatigue fatigue fatigue
  • anxiety anxiety anxiety
  • I still haven’t gotten help.
  • I’ve cancelled 4 appointments.
  • I binged on ice cream.
  • A LOT.
  • I weigh 95.0 as of this morning.
  • My lowest weight was 93.9 (2 weeks ago)
  • I just want to die.
18 Mar • ∞
and no one cares